Mamahood Space Founder Alisha read 'The Good Grief of Mamahood' for BUILDHOLLYWOOD & Grace Ndiritu's Grief: A Love Letter event in 2023. Alisha wrote this after going through postpartum depression and finding herself in a bad place.
Not wanting mothers to be isolated on their parenting journeys, Alisha uses The Mamahood Space to bring them together. Here, a space is formed where moms can discuss their journeys, and combat the postpartum depression that comes with isolation.
Grief: A Love Letter was part of BUILDHOLLYWOOD's All About Love campaign, responding to bell hooks' book of the same name. Thanks to BUILDHOLLYWOOD, Grace Ndiritu, Zarina Rossheart, BRMTWN, and Brenda Hickin for the opportunity.
--
Becoming a mother was empowering yet scary.
Twice, I watched my body contort and mould itself to nurture life, stretched to capacity providing a warm home to my children.
However, the journey of being a mother doesn't come with a manual and it shouldn't. Being a mother is vulnerable, touching parts that I didn't know existed. It releases a deep capacity for fear and failure, requiring me to bare my heart again, even when it's ugly.
But what also comes with mamahood is the drowning in toys, clothes galore, appointments, the constant whining and hearing your name being called multiple times,
The mom guilt,
The sickness,
The postpartum hair loss,
The undernourishment of myself as I struggled to maintain what was my best self. Not loving the body that I was left with.
It's the battle with chronic migraine,
It's the loss of non-existent friendships.
Not to forget sleep deprivation.
Do you see where I'm going here? Whew – got me working up a sweat here.
There's also that intensive shift that comes with the workload of mothering. That's being the default parent. Motherhood is 24/7, yet it's made to seem like it's not as intense as it is. '
I work harder,' he says. Yeah right.
And if you leave yourself, you can get submerged in all the overwhelm.
But what happens when you're grieving pre-mamahood?
What happened to you?
Where did you want to be in life?
Do you find that you have a loss of identity?
Did you achieve everything you set yourself up for?
For me, I don't think I'm grieving per se, I just need to un-peel the layers of grief that affects the way I respond to things.
Yes, tasks would be so much simpler
Without the added expense
Extra planning
Whining
And taking ages to get out of the door.
Pre-mamahood, I could just get up and go.
Sometimes the grief shows up in waves and I'm just sucked along, hoping not to drown. Other times, I'm allowed to walk freely without feeling bogged down by the load of it all.
How can you pour when you need filling? Who helps you? Are you getting the support you really need? No help is not where it's at. You have to allow people to help if you find yourself struggling.
I get it though.
As a mom of two, I used to be so embarrassed to ask for help. Too much pride and I'm slowly withering away. I'm not getting the nutrients I need because I knew I could do it on my own – my children, my responsibility.
But what happens when you suffer from burnout?
I've learned to give myself the grace. And to all the mamas out there... so should you.
You're doing a damn good job!
Yes, being a mama is hard, and no one will understand your role but you,
As there's so much difference and not everyone has the same views.
But the one view that I'd like to change is that there should be more togetherness of mothers.
Entrust help and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Gain a village, gain your community. It's needed.
Every trusted hand can help.
Believe me.
Pour into you as a mother.
--
Photographs by Kevin Lake.
Comments